the way i assume things should be

now playing:
hypnotized- ani difranco (it's alright...)


Recently i've realized a lot of things that i assume.
i assume that if i spend good time with God, i will feel him. If i don't, then i think nothing happened in that time.
i believe that if i feel bad, then my relationship with God must be messed up. Neither of which are true.
P.s. just because the first song on this cd is awesome, i expect the rest to be.
only sometimes true.

Will i still seek God? if i don't feel him? will i seek him for him, and not just the feeling? Will i be with him, not just because i want to feel good? Although, he does make me feel better. He is my source of joy.

but this is frustrating. it is.

frustrating- causing internal sad upsetness

that is the Webster definition. i promise.

Whether i feel horrible or delighted, God is the same. And still close to me, still right next to me. My relationship with God should not be governed by my emotions.


now playing:
The Big Guns
Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins (eh.)


Now that i am giving myself more permission to be honest about being hurt, i am realizing how much little things can nick me. I could take that the other way too, and dwell on how grateful i am to be enjoyed and love by so many people.

Draw near to Me, and I will draw near to you. -James 4:8
This is true with God, but for some reason i expect this to be true of all the people around me. Sadly, it's not. I don't think friendships, with God or people, can be made simply by the effort of one. It must be a joint effort and a joint pursuit. Maybe i need to back down, and stop chasing some people in my life so hard. Maybe i should give
them a break? ah ha.

now:
Daughters
John Mayer

Jack Joseph Puig! What an awesome name!!

God has been so good to me.
my eyes have been opening to
how he set me up to be where i am.
how he saved me.
how he's changed me.
it's easier to see
now.
i am thankful.

and i congratulate you for reading all of this.