it's hard to wait.
it's hard to trust.
i want to be brutaly honest and open about everything but i also want to gaurd my heart fericely and steadily. My heart is safe inside of God.I was sitting on the couch at my neighbor's house yesterday morning. All alone, with no one to hear me at all, besides an old waddling spotted dog. so i talked and prayed out loud to God for awhile. I like that. i don't really know how to pray in my head yet. and this little phrase kept coming to mind, the realization that he never fails. He never fails. So i told him that for a while, just told him back what he was like which started nicking my emotions a little and tears welled up. I'm starting to realize he can't fail. He will not fail to have his way.
but there are other little things. it's hard to gaze on at the gap which separates the way other people do things and the way i am convicted or have been taught to. especailly when other ways seem more imediately pleasing.
I'm not sure why there are certian people my heart has clung to more than others. I miss being close in certian past seasons to laci so much it's painful at times. i don't know why i can't shake it off yet.
it's been easier to cry recently. which i sort of am happy about in a way; i feel like i'm spilling myself with out language, words. infront of my God. it's good.
He is so good to me, i mean, ridiculously good. so good i can't even believe it. and i'm not so grateful because i can't even wrap my mind around all i have to be grateful for. it's like. trying to imagine him loving you one hundred times more than you think. now try fifty. now try twenty. i can't even wrap my mind around two. that he would be twice as affectionate and loving towards me as anyone i've ever known. that he could love me perfectly. perfetly. perfetly. is ridiculous.
but wonderful.
he planted desire in my heart for him.
i sort of wish my heart could be an actual physical thing that i could hand completely to Jesus. Sometimes my heart feels like a bunch of five year olds in no accord running around in opposite directions.
He is sandpapering my heart down, forming me into who he dreamed i'd be. it's sweet. i believe him.
i am who God says i am instead of what i say and think i am.
think upon that.
"we need each other"
recently it's been hard to keep my mouth shut. i talk and talk. because i like to talk, i'm supposing.
well. that's what's up.
Me:
- Jasminemarie
- Fort Mill, South Carolina, Turkmenistan
- My name is jasmine. I love full fifteen-passenger vans, community livin', captureing beauty with a lens or a pen or a paintbrush, traveling, makin' music, laughing, those early mornings, and those late nights, trying to fit as much people time into my weekend as possible, & i desire to live a life that is pleasing, a sweetness poured out, and to fullfil- to become everything I was made to be, ... my hair is brown, my eyes are green, my hands are tiny, and I have about five freckles on my nose. I make mistakes. Jesus, he is the one i love. the one i want to KNOW.
2 comments:
hmm, wow this post really Spoke to me, with a capital "S"! That's really cool how you talk to God out loud. I dunno, I like doing that too. I think God enjoys it when we talk to Him like a friend. It makes it way more personal, I think. As always, I love how your creativity with words shines through your writings. You have a way with them, and I know God LOVES it too!!
Yeah what she said!hahahha
Post a Comment